Bone-headed as a Stalfos, Cheesy as Yeto's Superb Pumpkin Soup
by LxZrulez
Summary: Sometimes giving cliche confessions beneath the stars is exactly how a hero woos his chosen Princess. It seems to have worked for Link, anyhow.


**A/N: **Set in Twilight Princess universe, but Link and Zelda have the personalities of those from the Toon Legend of Zelda games or the old cartoon. Because I really wanted sassy Zelda. The title assumes that Yeto's Superb Pumpkin Soup is cheesy (it should be, it has goat cheese in it, right?)

**oOoOoOo**

My eye was twitching. "No," I said, casting my eyes skyward. "As shocking as this seems to you, Link, I am, in fact, _not _the slightest bit in love with you." I then proceeded to roll over, splashing my feet in the water. Link and I had been in the Hyrule Fields having a grand ol' time with a picnic, until he decided to go ahead an ruin the ride by bringing _that _up.

For some unfathomable reason, he thought I loved him. He was right, of course, but I wasn't going to admit it and inflate his gigantic ego even further.

Link grinned widely at me. Was his grasp on the semantics of language really so poor that "no" to him means "yes"? I gritted my teeth as I twisted my skirt in my fist, his toothy grin only widening when I flicked him in the forehead.

"You care for me," he said simply, the look on his face mischievous. I sighed in exasperation as I turned back to him, my jaw set.

"Yes, I do. At least enough to save your sorry behind from getting beheaded," I allowed. If possible, Link's smirk grew wider. (Really, widen anymore and his face will be nothing but teeth).

"What would you do if I were in mortal danger?" he wheedled, and once again I deigned his query with a roll of my eyes and a scoff.

"You already know the answer," I sneered, and he laughed.

"Save my sorry behind from getting beheaded," he recited, verbatim, and I nodded in satisfaction.

"Now, if," he said, suddenly leaning closer to me, "I suddenly did something extremely stupid..."

"Well, that wouldn't be out of ordinary," I said sarcastically. Link ignored me, continuing.

"...Like, say, slip off the Bridge of Eldin. What would you do?" He leaned closer, our faces so close I could feel his breath on my lips. I leaned back slightly.

"You know the answer to that too, deku brain," I mumbled. Link smiled again, satisfied, and backed off. He closed his eyes and settled among the grasses of Hyrule field, almost like he was resting in a bed made of gold. I couldn't suppress a sigh. Even if he had an ego big enough to crush the palace, it didn't change the fact that he really was cute and a sweetheart. Too bad my pride wasn't ever going to let him know that.

At the sound, Link opened one eye to look up at me curiously.

"What is it, Princess?" he asked as he closed his eye again.

"How many times have I told you not to call me 'Princess'?" I asked coldly. "Didn't know you can be punished for disobeying royalty?" Link sat up, a teasing smirk decorating his face.

"I never recalled a _princess _telling me that," he said, emphasizing the word princess. "Only _Zelda_." I sighed. Ugh, technicalities. The sentiments still the same.

"I'm still the princess..." I muttered, looking away. I hated using that, but it was the only thing that would give me some leverage in this situation. Link grinned, his broad smile stretching from pointy ear to pointy ear. _Okay_, I thought to myself, _Definitely cute.__.._ I shook that thought from my head. Instead, I shifted my focus to the rippling water under the small wooden bridge. But even as I stared into the glassy surface, I could see Link's handsome face watching me. Ugh, no such luck.

"So... what should I call you, then? Princess or Zelda?" he asked, pretending that he didn't know my answer.

"Princess," I told him, fully aware he thought I'd respond to the latter. His eyebrows arched.

"Really."

"Well," I said as I kicked my feet up. "I rarely respond to 'Princess', and I really don't like you. See my logic?"

"Nope."

I hummed under my breath. "Too bad."

"Now... back to my questions... what would you do if I were cornered by a pack of bokoblins?" he asked, putting his hand on my shoulder. I smiled, willing to play his game, but only on _my _terms.

"Why would you need me?" I drawled, "You've got the Master Sword, a couple of swipes and you'd have no problem."

Link smiled cheekily. "Ah... but I left my sword at home."

"Shoot them," I said simply.

"My bow snapped and all the arrow shafts are broken," he countered.

"Use your ball and chain," I said, grinning. Link shook his head in fake disappointment.

"I left it at home," he said, barely concealing a grin. I slapped him lightly on his shoulder.

"Boomerang?"

"I tried throwing it," he said with mock solemnity, "But it went haywire and flew off." I barely stifled a laugh.

"Hookshot?"

"I don't want to bring one of them nearer, I'm not suicidal."

"Spinner?"

"I'm not going to go twirling into them. Don't want a sword embedded in my head, thanks." I rolled my eyes. He wanted to make this a game? So be it.

"Dominian Rod?"

"There are no statues nearby."

"Slingshot, then."

"Nope. Talo stole it."

"Wooden sword."

"Hmm... I would use it, but Talo was 'borrowing' it again..." I could hear the quotation marks in his voice.

"Alright, iron boots then."

"What am I supposed to do with them? Stomp on the monsters? They're hardly the size of a bug."

"Okay, then," I said. I was enjoying this little game. "Throw it at them."

"I hurt my arm earlier, so I can't throw those heavy iron boots," Link said as he played with my hair. I jerked away from him.

"Use the horse call and bring Epona to you."

"I would, but I accidentally broke it, and Ilia's fixing it for me." There was an utterly fake pout on his face, and I wanted to cackle.

"Okay, run away."

Link grinned at me, his eyes sparkling. "Can't. they're cornering me and there's a wall of stone behind me."

I rolled my eyes. "Climb the wall, idiot."

Link launched into another one of his excuses. "The wall's too smooth. If you're not gonna come save me, what should I do?"

I smiled sweetly at him. "Use a bomb. It's a lot less painful way to go."

Link sighed, rubbing his head as he muttered, "You're impossible."

"You're as bone-headed as a stalfos."

"Your heart is as cold as a freezard."

"Your temper is as explosive as a bombfish."

"And you're as hardheaded as a helmasaur."

I frowned. "Hey, that doesn't count, it's the same as-" I never got to finish. Would you be able to finish the insult if the guy you were insulting suddenly kissed you? Yeah, I thought not.

"Gidofameh," I mumbled. What I had been trying to say was 'Get off of me'. Unfortunately, it was impossible. I could feel Link grin; his lips pulled up in a smile.

"Nope," he murmured. He somehow understood me. "I don't think I will." He moved his hands from the top of my arms to my waist. Without realizing it, I kissed him back. It was wonderful, total _bliss. _I moved closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and his lips moved against mine. As cheesy as it sounded, I really didn't want this moment to end. And then Link was pulling back, the look in his face triumphant and smug.

"You kissed me back," he gloated, his smirk so wide I was tempted to knock him over. I resisted the urge, however, and made do with merely clunking the stuck-up bastard over the head with my fist.

"Hey, what was that for?" Link laughed, rubbing his head. I glared at him silently. His grin stretched wider.

"Don't stay _too _mad at me, okay?" he said. I turned my head in the other direction.

"Hmph," I grumbled. Link grabbed my shoulders, twirling me around.

"Please?" he said. "Pretty please?" I sighed, looking away. He looked like a naughty puppy, begging for forgiveness.

"Maybe," I said, glancing at the sky. "It's getting late, I ought to go." In my defense, it really was late. The sun was setting, staining the blue sky with shades of lavender and brilliant ruby red.

"I'll take you back, then," he said firmly, his hand latching on to my wrist. The ride back to the castle was swift and silent save the steady sounds of Epona's hooves thumping against soil. The first stars were twinkling in the skies by the time we pulled to a stop before the gates of Castle Town. Before I could move to get of, Link was already standing on the ground. Carefully, he helped me down, unusually silent. As soon as I was on my two feet he was climbing back on Epona.

"See you later, Princess," he said softly, and then he was galloping off. I didn't have anything to say, nor did I have any chance to say anything, and I only watched silently as he disappeared into the Hyrulian landscape. Then I turned and stalked back into the Castle, my head swirling in confusion and my nose held high in the air. I skipped dinner and headed straight up into my room. Quickly, I changed out of the riding garb I had been wearing and donned a loose white nightgown before heading out onto the balcony.

I sighed, my fingers tracing unintelligible patterns in the shadows as I leaned against cool stone. The moon hung, a glowing pearl, in the velvety sky, and I watched silvery wisps of clouds drift lazily past. I wanted peace to think, and now I had it.

I had already established that Link was insistent on the fact that I loved him, and he was right. How could I not? He was, despite his ridiculous obstinacy, wonderful company, and we got along famously. I could be myself around him, be reckless, snappish, and impatient, and he wouldn't stare at me with wide, confused eyes but instead laugh boisterously and ruffle my hair. I could stab him with verbal jabs and he would respond in kind, instead of immediately deferring to me as others would immediately do to royals, much less a Princess of my stature.

It scared me, these feelings I had for him. Not the feeling themselves, I suppose, but the way his smile could send me into a daydream, or the way he could make me lose my confidence just by being in the same room. He could always make my day grow brighter just my making time for me, and just as easily send me into a sulk by unconsciously or consciously making me jealous.

I was a Princess, the crown heir, and needless to say a Princess shouldn't act like this. A Princess shouldn't lose her confidence around one man, yet I did. I didn't dare admit it to him, but I often had dreams about him, about us (seated beneath the light of the stars, having a romantic picnic at Zora's domain, cliche but I couldn't help but want them). And regardless what I said to Link, they weren't nightmares. Not even close. I could deal with all these annoyances, my feelings and dreams, and kept my face stone and tongue sharp, if _he _didn't know.

It was getting rather obvious, really. I knew he liked me, and marriage wasn't a problem. Why didn't I just let him know I loved him, and he cared for me the same way I cared for him? The answer was simple and as infuriating as it was simple. He was always trying to get me to admit it to him, and well, after denying it for so long, I didn't want him to know he was right the whole time. My pride, my goddesses damned pride, was the real problem here.

"I'm too prideful to let him know I love him," I said aloud to the night air, and immediately cringed. Nayru, that sounded stupid. "I don't want to say three words to him, so we're probably not going to be together," I tried again, and for Triforce's sake, that sounded worse. And surprisingly, my mind was set.

I'd tell him.

I leaped off the balcony's railing, landing silently on the ground. I glanced around the garden, searching for the shadows of guards among the shrubbery, and slipped quietly into the stables. Quickly, I headed to the very back, where a beautiful palomino mare was waiting inside her stall.

"Good girl," I murmured as I stroked her pale white mane. She neighed in response, tossing her head to look at me, her beady eyes almost knowing.

"Okay, okay," I giggled as she seemed to look at me reproachfully for taking so long. "Let's get going now."

I climbed on, then set her into a swift gallop. In a few minutes I was outside Castle Town, speeding away.

I rode for a while, though the time spent barely registered in my mind. After Din knows how long, I saw the gate to Ordon Village appearing, and I was heading straight up the path that would take me to the small village when I saw another wooden gate. Slowly, I got off and led my mare into it, eyes wide and curious.

The moment I breached the gate I gasped. I had walked into a spring, Ordon's Spirit Spring. Small waterfalls flowed, and little wildflowers dotted the clearing, sprinkles of pale whites across the grass, and the sand was soft between the toes of my bare feet. Slowly I spun in a circle, marveling the beautiful, moonlit place.

Suddenly I heard soft footsteps behind me, and instinctively I drew my knife and whirled around. As I saw who it was, my eyes widened.

"Link?" I stammered. Link looked just as surprised to see me. He was wearing his traditional Ordon clothing instead of his Hero's tunic, and a voice somewhere in the back of my mind piped in its two cents and thought he looked pretty good in it.

"Princess?" he said, taking a step closer to me. "What in Farore's name are you doing here?"

"I-uh. I came to see Ordon's Spring, of course," I said awkwardly, and it was clear Link didn't believe me, judging from his raised eyebrow and unconvinced set of his jaw.

"Really."

I merely cast my eyes towards the floor, saying nothing.

"C'mon, Princess. Why'd you really come here?" I could almost feel him rolling his eyes. Using my incredible mastery of the Hyrulean language, I didn't answer, instead staring intently at the grains of sand resting on my feet as if they held the secret to all life and happiness.

It was quiet for a few more moments as I stared at the ground and Link stared at me, until at last I heard him sigh. Then he was taking my hand and leading me towards the water, where he sat and gestured at the space next to him. The spring lapped at my toes, cool liquid washing the grains of sand away.

"It's time we stopped running in circles around each other," he said softly, the line of his jaw set. "I've been waiting a while, hoping you'd admit it to me first. But...well, it's clear that you have no intention of saying it, and I'm growing too impatient to wait any longer. If my pride is the cost, then so be it." He breathed deeply, but his eyes were still trained on mine, serious and unblinking.

"I love, Princess. Always have." As he uttered the last word, he was leaning forward until his lips were pressed against mine. It was soft, sweet, and I couldn't help but melt into his embrace. But too soon, he was pulling away, though his eyes were shining.

"What do you say?" Link said softly.

"You're still as bone-headed as a stalfos," I began, my tone harsh, though it softened quickly as his thumb swiped gently across my mouth. "But...I still love you anyway."

He laughed, all traces of cockiness gone as he pressed his mouth against my cheek.

"I'll always be here for you, Zelda. Never doubt that."

"Even if I send the best warriors of my guard to keep you away?"

Another laugh, and a quick kiss on the tip of my nose. "That'd be a pity; some of your men aren't bad, you know? But no, not even your best warriors could stand between us. Nothing will keep me away from you." A kiss to my ear. "Nothing."

"That sounds extremely corny," I said without malice, the smile on my face wide and silly. Link rolled his eyes playfully, though his arms wrapped around my waist.

"I know, I'm cringing at myself too. But I don't care what I have to say, as long as I get my message across."

"You'll stand by me forever?"

"Mmhmm." He leaned his forehead against mine, the golden filaments of his hair bleached silver in the moonlight. His eyes were still blue, though, blue as a clear autumn sky.

"Even if darkness returns?"

"Mmmhmm."

"And anything worse than that?" I couldn't help the cheesy questions; I wanted to hear him declare his devotion to me in all the cliche ways possible, just as much as he wanted to say them.

"Of course. An army of a million monsters would never keep me away from you."

"Alright," I whispered, wrinkling my nose as he bumped his gently against mine, the smile on his face goofy and utterly beautiful. "Be prepared for something much worse. Promise you'll be with me when I explain to Auru why I'm out of the castle?"

"I promise," he agreed solemnly, and then we were both laughing, curled together beneath the twinkling stars of the velvety night sky, the very picture of a dream come true.

**oOoOoOo**

**A/N: **A remix of my old oneshot, "Stubborn", which has been deleted. It is set in the Twilight Princess universe, because that is the one whose world I'm most familiar with, but Link and Zelda have the characteristics of the Link and Zelda from the old cartoon (or any of the Toon Legend of Zelda series, really). I just really wanted sassy Zelda, but I was most familiar with Twilight Princess at the time, so...Yeah.

Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
